Ever Learning
Every day I sit in a quiet house mostly alone with my thoughts not concerned too much about disturbances. I regret that health problems keep me from being more active, but this lifestyle is a boon to the ability to study and think things through and make better decisions. You may not see the results of this but at least I am increasingly more content. I never had to worry too much about wasting time because I did not have any. Now, I can be more selective about where to devote my time. Regardless of your time constraints, every Christian should be careful to use the time God gives wisely.
During my wife’s long illness, it was necessary to ration my time judiciously since I had to care for the needs of two people. Of course, many of those needs overlapped such as cooking, cleaning, hunting and gathering…Others, were very much peculiar to her which were constant attendance at the behest of Kaiser’s many invitations. Those have gone away, leaving longer days without interruptions. As you can well imagine, thoughts of Pam are daily excursions especially times such as today as I write this article. I wrote this only a few days from our 51st anniversary. I limit the timeframes of these thoughts because they quickly lead to sadness and despair that are not profitable. I am so used to praying for her that I catch myself unconsciously starting to include her. Who can imagine what I would say would be helpful? Still, there must be time left to contemplate the past because there is a measure of happiness in it too. The relics of a long happy marriage still fill my home. I am certain I cannot dispose of them without deep regret and cannot replace them when I feel it.
I come to these thoughts today while preparing the sermon you heard early in April. If you remember, it was Peter’s question to our Lord when inquiring about the rewards of leaving everything to follow Jesus. “What will we get?” he asked. I went on to explain Jesus’ answer and it led me to think what Pam enjoys at this very moment. Many times, through this process I have thought how I would willingly go back to the long days and nights of taking care of her just to feel her presence with me again. Although as a means of comfort, I have said, and others have said to me how much better off she is where she is now. Indeed, the sermon verses I used in Revelation 20 confirm this, but they did not stop my desires of wanting her back. Preaching this sermon started to turn the tide of my thinking. My desire for her is more about me than her. My desire is common to humans. It is a selfish desire when the best we can hope for in our human existence is what God designed us for. He made us for intimate fellowship with Him, to enjoy and worship Him forever. Due to the fall of man, the journey to reach this is circuitous at best, and yet by following God’s plan for us there will be ultimate success. Pam enjoys the fruits of her labor. “Let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” (Galatians 6:9).
Am I approaching this wrongly to limit my thoughts of her so as not to inadvertently wish for what is not best for her? How I feel about it has no bearing on what God does, but it most certainly bears on my contentment if I do not think as God thinks. It is difficult at times to understand how we should think so that we might be most pleasing to God. In these situations, I am thankful for His longsuffering and that He promised He knows the feelings of our infirmities. Believers always have the Holy Spirit to interpret the thoughts and intents of the heart. The blessed Almighty God layers our divine communication connections with processes we are incapable of understanding. I can sit here with all my newfound time to study and know that Pam is far ahead of me.
Pastor V. Mark Smith